I am sabataging myself with every bite and i know damn well I'm doing it

Today my mother has been gone 6 months.  She has been gone the exact same amount of time that she came to live with me.  The time has flown yet it seems forever.  All I've done today is eat...I eat safe things it appears and everyting stays down.  I can't satisfy the pain...I had forgotten this anniversary date would be comming up so soon after my WLS. I will not let my family in on my needs.  I cry until my food digests and then I fill my little pouch again til I get gerdy....I wait until I burp..I cry, then I do it again.  Hopefully it is today only.  Please pray for this to pass tonight...I cannot continue to self-riun my accomplishment over greif.
Thank you for understanding and prayer
Sincrerly, Kim in Fontana

I am sure that was very hard to open up and tell.. (would have been for me) but the fact that you are being open and honest is good.. 

Try to keep yourself busy during hard times like these.. Don't hurt yourself due to your grief.  I too lost my mother, at the age 45 no doubt, and it is hard to deal with on her deataversary. (my own goofy name for it)  but tell a friend or family member  to come over, keep you company, and have them help you keep yourself on track..NO need to punish yourself..

Keep your chin up, and I will definately keep you in my prayers..  You can and will get through this..

My Blessings Be With You,
~Jenn~

Kim, honey, hang in there. I know this must be so hard for you but you have to get the eating under control. You don't want to undo what you have manged to do to this point. Your Mom would have been proud of you for what you are have accomplished. Try to talk to your family brother,sister DH anyone that might be able to understand.
Have you ever considered grief counseling? It might help you get through these hard times, especially with the hoildays coming.
Call someone anyone ...shoot you can call me I will PM you my #.

HUGS
JOY

Been there!  Oct 30th is the anniversary of a death in my family too!  Promise me, right now that the food monger stops now!!!  Your loved ones, including your mother, would not want you doing this to yourself. You went through alot to get postop.  If  Dr. Suh is not going to verbally kick your butt (you are too early out to be doing this and it could cause damage) , I am up to the challenge.  I am going to private mail you my number.  Please, talk to someone! We are all here for you! Kim in Apple Valley :)

Kim,

Oh, hon, I know how you are feeling. I lost my mom a little over 3 years ago, and my dad 8 months ago. It is so hard sometime, I just cry out of the blue.

Try real hard to keep yourself busy...go for a walk, maybe even somewhere where your mom would want you to go, you know? This will pass, and remember that tomorrow is a new day.

I'm praying for you,

Kim,

Please know that we are all here for you.  I know what you are feeling, I lost both my parents 6 days apart in 2001 and this time of the year starts to get hard for me.  What I discovered is that I need a creative outlet to get my mind off things because of course I eat when I get depressed.  I do crafts and paint minature holiday village pieces I get at Michael's and do yard art.  I find that it makes the time pass, my hands and head are busy and I have something to focus on that is positive.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers today but please remember that your mom is so proud of what you've done for you.   

You will be on our minds and in our hearts today, you are not alone.

Barb

Kim my Angelette, I can't add anything to the great suggestions that people have given you here, except to say Amen to each of them.  I'm sorry I haven't been checking in on you...bad me.  I'm concerned that you say, "I will not let my family in on my needs." If you feel you can't talk to them, please find someone you can talk to, a therapist, etc.  Nothing wrong with that in any way, shape or form.  xo Kim

You know you have my sympathy.  I lost my mom a little over 3 years ago, so I understand the pain.  She never knew about my WLS, she never knew alot of things about my life.  But I cared for her till the end.  MY mom and dad both lived with Dougie and I, my dad still does.  My dad cared for her till the very end, and I was the last person to see her before she died.  I made she that she knew that she had lung cancer, no one else would tell her.  But in her deepest coma, when I asked her to open her eyes she did for me, so I know that she heard me when I told her.  Anyway, this is your test.  Emotions good or bad were the times that we all ate.  So now is the testing period.  How strong is your will to be thin, are you still that emotional eater, which you are by your letter, so now is the time to break that habit.  Cry all you want, stamp your feet, feel the grief you are going through.  You have identifed the problem, you lost your best friend (food) not that long ago, and shortly after the death of your mom.  So basically you have had two deaths in your life in a very short period of time.  Take a deep breath standing up, breath in life, exhale saddness, take control, it is life that we face and there are days that are horrible, but we need to change that eating habit and now is a great time to gain some strength.  Your mom is watching, she knows you have had surgery, and trust me, she is behind you 100%, do it for her, and most of all do it for you.

We live close, call anytime....I am home all day today (sunday)

Prayers and hugs, Diane

Please take care of yourself....... you are in my prayers...... your pain will not be satisfied by food---and you do know that;  Please take good care of your little pouch..... go do something nice for yourself---- a walk somewhere pretty, a bath, a manicure/pedicure...... find some comfort in being good to yourself, gentle with yourself ..... today..... and you will feel stronger, know better how to comfort in other ways as you go along....I'd get out of the house if you can for a little while.... or journal...
sending prayers and hugs......................Lori

Thank you all sooo much for your care, prayers and concern, I felt it from one and all.  With the chats to my pastor and a new friend, I made it thru to the evening tonight with nothing more serious and a swollen face and a headache.  I learned a thing or two about myself, my WLS condition, my psyche and other's expereince with all this.  Sometimes life ain't all its cracked up to be when we want it to be.....a lessonr eaned many times over.  I am an optimist, I just have to get past my depresion every few months or so.  A phone call, a pill, a shoulder to cry on, or a swift kick in my arse usually fixes the problem.  Thank you to all whose measures worked on me today. Someday I will tell "my story"..it'll all make sense then..until then..I am greatful...'nuf said...lol
God Bless one and all..and Happy Holidays
Kim in fontana